In the time before I started , I lost my parents tragically; nearly my entire family was, in fact, decimated over the course of a decade.
As such, I found myself very open to hearing the stories of others. I tried to schedule my days, with the loose plan of finding subjects in the mornings and then, in the afternoons and evenings, spending time with the various people I had already found.
I drove across the country six times in total, posting signs and talking to everyone I met along the way, looking for the right people who’d be amenable to letting me into their lives in so close a way.
I knew it had to go deep and that the subjects needed to be eminently relatable to as many people as possible.
When people ask how I was able to get so intimate with the subjects of Three Women — a book about desire reported over eight years — I talk about the different methods I used.
I posed the same question, for example, dozens of times and from a variety of angles.
The emotions that rise up in us are various: anger at ourselves, shame, guilt, and frustration, and it is at those moments when we feel like we want to pound our hand into the steering wheel and yell at the top of our lungs, “Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!
” This resonates with all of us because everyone has experienced a time in their life when they believe they had said something “stupid.”What we find when we do misspeak is that even if people do notice it they only consider it for a fleeting moment, but we tend to see our own failings like they were daily broadcast on the evening news.
The way that women are profoundly organized about hiding their desire and their fear over the same.
The way the anger and judgment we graft onto others is often our own shame, projected.